Proving myself to myself.

I rode my bike for the first time in a long time. Jumped on and rode around a bit to warm up then kicked it into high gear to really get my gears turning.  You see I needed to ponder but wasn’t sure what was stirring around in my brain.  As I rode down the gravel near the house I just kept pushing harder and harder.  My heart rate increased, my breath became heavy and my legs burned. I had to push… to see how far I could go… how out of practice I was or maybe it was to see if I still could I don’t know.  What I do know is that 3 miles in I lost it and by it I mean breakfast and lunch. I calmed myself down and rode home slower and a little more rhythmically and that’s when my brain stopped stirring. My thoughts became clearer as I focused my pondering on my need to prove myself.

Not having to prove myself to others makes a lot of sense; I am who I am, what you see is what you get. However, proving myself to myself? Isn't this the route of ambition. Isn't it what gets us out of our comfort zones and causes improvement in our own lives? If we only do what we are comfortable with, then we won't take risks and wind up stuck in our own comfy self-centered little worlds. I’m not ok with this. Yet I’m not sure where to go now.