Marry Well

This is for my kids, but it's also for anyone not yet married.


For twenty-some years you will live your life unmarried.

You will learn and experience new things. You will sometimes conquer great feats and you will sometimes make mistakes and learn better ways, but know this-as an unmarried person, the decisions you make, the good ones and the bad ones, reflect mainly on you. They might reflect a little on us, but that's ok, that happens during raising, and we can handle it. But your decisions will say a lot about you and you alone...until you get married. This is a major game changer. Now everything you do directly reflects on your spouse. When you say "I do" you are vowing to become one person with your spouse and they are doing the same. So that person you choose, better be a choice you make well and it better be a choice you make once.

Marry once and marry well.

When you get married, you are promising that person, your family, and especially God that this is the person you are spending the rest of your life with.
Hear that, the rest of your God-given life, dude.
The. Rest. Of. Your. Life.
60+ years if you have it in you.
And every decision you make will affect that person. And vice-versa. Every decision they make affects you.

So if you marry someone that loves Jesus and has a humble heart that is constantly learning how to selflessly love and care for those God has entrusted them with (i.e. family first), then you got yourself a winner and someone you can live the next 60 years with.

But if you marry someone that cares for you as long as you meet their needs, or someone who will stick around as long as life is lived on their terms or someone who is willing to stay "married" just enough to avoid divorce, but will leave you in the dust to pursue their own dreams, then you got yourself a rough 60 years ahead my dear.

'Cuz you dang well better stick with it.

You made a promise to that person and when the goin' gets tough, there's no backing out. If you didn't marry well, then it's a long journey ahead- not impossible, but hard. Goodness, it's hard if you marry well! So don't make it any harder! We are imperfect human beings and compromising and communicating with someone that could quite possibly be your polar opposite is not an easy task. But when two people humbly, graciously, daily seek to do marriage God's way, it is a beautiful, rewarding adventure. But what a sad thing it is to see such an uneven balance where one person takes and takes, and they make decisions only to better themselves and achieve their agenda, and they don't invest in your marriage, and they short-change the kids you made together (yes you'll have kids stop saying you won't). Heartbreakingly sad.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

Be patient!  Wait for a person God has for you. Someone you can say that without a shadow of a doubt "That's a person God (and your mama) approves of." Don't marry someone because you can't control your hormones. Don't marry someone because you accidentally didn't control your hormones. Don't marry someone because they say they're "open to going to church someday". Don't marry someone because they are hott but lack a brain. Don't marry someone because they spend lots of money on you. Don't marry someone because you want to be their savior. Don't marry someone because they "understand you" and your parents don't. Especially that one because we may not understand you but we know that tool bag is not good enough for you. Don't marry for any reason that can't hold up for the next 60 years.

Marry someone because God has made it abundantly clear THIS is it. Because on those bad days, when you can't seem to get on the same page, you'll KNOW you'll get through it and it's worth fighting for because this is your "once" and and even though it doesn't feel "well" right now. It is and it will be.

Your dad and I are thankful that God sent a few on their way that we thought were marriage material. But by His grace, we got each other. And we married once. And oh my, we married well. I have a man who loves me with the full meaning of the word. He lets God teach him how to love me. He loves me when I don't deserve it, and he loves me when I am stubborn and stuck in my old ways, and he loves me when I mess up, and he loves me while I'm trying to figure things out. He communicates with me and we work through our problems. We fight for our marriage together and we make decisions that make our family healthier. That means keeping God as our first priority, then our marriage, then our kids, THEN our jobs, even if that job is ministry related. We both still mess up, believe me. And it reflects on both of us and it hurts both of us, but by God's grace we learn and grow together. When one of us is making decisions that are hurting our family, we do something about it together! I pray this is true for you someday because you chose to marry once and you chose to marry well.

Love, Mama

I Can Not Judge

I am thankful for my pain.

I am thankful for bad decisions, divorced parents, an absent alcoholic and now deceased dad, bad boyfriends, depression, an eating disorder, a colicky baby, an overactive toddler, marriage counseling, and multiple insecurities.

Because it makes me thankful for the grace I didn't deserve, the redemption I didn't know was possible, and the transformations that made me who I am.

I'm thankful for life. For all it's ups and downs, goods and bads. It breaks me heart I had to go through some of things I did, mostly because of poor, immature decisions, but they are what connects me to a broken and hurting world.

I am not better than anyone, whether I made good decisions or bad, I am no better. I am a sinner just like the rest of the world, and I am saved by the grace of God. I am forgiven. Daily. Moment by moment. I mess up-He shows me grace, love and mercy.

Because of this, I can not judge those around me. I can not judge when that young girl says she's "in love" with that guy I know is a complete loser. I can not judge when those newlyweds can't stop fighting over who cleans the bathroom and who takes out the trash. I can not judge when those first time parents tell me their baby is "the spawn of Satan" because they haven't slept in days and their baby hasn't stopped crying for hours. And I can not judge when that young pastor's wife is full of bitterness towards the church for turning their backs on her pain.

I can not judge.

But I can love.

I can love that poor confused sinner through the seemingly toughest time in their life. I can say to them, "I understand, how can I help?" instead of letting them feel the weight of another person's judgement on their weary soul. I can show up at their house and hold their screaming baby for one hour while they go breathe some fresh air and find the will power to fight through one more day. I can sit across from that young girl for hours as she talks about how the guy she thought loved her crushed her heart and I can tell her about how God has someone so much better in mind for her and it's worth the wait. I can offer truth to that young pastor's wife about how God never lets us down even though people will and His church, though full of imperfect people, is worth fighting for. I can talk to angry newlyweds about how to take care of their marriage and work as a team, fighting against Satan together, instead of each other.

I can love because He first loved me. 

1 John 4:19 

Because grace is all over my life. I won't pretend any different. I am not perfect. My life has not been perfect. But it's redeemed by a perfect God that wants the world to know His love.

"He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." 

2 Corinthians 1:4

Let Him comfort you. Give Him everything. All the hurt, all the pain, all your sin, all your temptations. Give it up.  Confess your sins to a trusted friend. You can't keep it all locked up inside. If you do, Satan will run you into the ground. Give it all to God and He'll run you into grace.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." 

James 5:16

God can use your weaknesses, your mistakes and your pains to touch the hearts of the hurting people around you. Don't be afraid. Even if you have never experienced their hurt, sympathize with them. Don't judge them. They need your love. They need God's love. We all do.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 

so that Christ's power may rest on me." 

2 Corinthians 12:9