I was Hitler's right-hand (wo)man. His partner in crime. His trusty sidekick. And I was so comfortable and believeably "safe" around him. I was accepted and taken care of and I had no fear. I may have been working for the most dangerous and powerful man alive and I may have been sitting comfortably next to the sin that he represented, but somehow I was completely "safe."
Until someone came to "rescue" me.
So there I was in the passenger seat of an old German jeep and we were racing away. I was so full of fear that this person had just placed us both in such danger. As I'm looking over my shoulder into the dark of night, I knew I "needed" to go back because surely Hitler would be after us! But I knew if I returned this man that had rescued me would undoubtedly be found and killed. But if I continued to run, we would both be found and meet our death together. I was stuck! Paralyzed by fear!
Now the most dangerous and powerful man alive was against me. Whether I returned or ran, he was after me or after my rescuer. There was no way out. There was no escape. Suddenly there was no "safe." What would I do?
I have no idea. Because at that point I woke up. Come on, wouldn't you?! What an awful dream!!
So I laid there covered in sweat (seriously, I had to go change clothes) and I was wide awake, wondering why on earth I just had such a terrible dream and pondering how the story would end. I had to know if I survived! Even if I had to make up my own ending, I had to know!
But here's the problem, I couldn't come up with an ending where both me and my rescuer survived. Even wide awake, with logic in tact, (as logical as one can be while pondering how to escape Hitler when it's 2016 outside...I know I'm sick in the head), I couldn't find a solution with a happy ending.
Well that's a terrible story now isn't it? I wouldn't suggest writing a book based on that dream. Or even retelling it to anyone. (Sorry you had to hear it) But don't turn away now!
Because in my middle-of-the-night despair, I talked to God about it (because seriously that dream was insane) and here's what He revealed. When the odds are all against me, and there is absolutely no logical way out, and my human brain can't come up with a solution, God can! God can rescue me! Woo Hoo! God saved me from Hitler! In 2016! And they all lived happily ever after. THE END. Ahhhh how sweet.
Okay, seriously, though. Here's how this all ties in to my life and yours. Stick around for just a minute.
Do you ever feel completely stuck in sin? Do you ever feel like there's no hope and there's no turning back now because the damage is done and you can't fathom living a different way and even though you know how you're living isn't right, you somehow feel "safe"? No, just me? Fine, I'll admit it. I feel this way right stinking now! And I needed to hear from the most powerful man alive, the most powerful being of all time, the God of the universe, the Master of all, the Almighty, that He is bigger than my sin! That even though I can't see a way out, that I can't concoct the getaway plan on my own, He's got this! God is bigger than the Boogy Man! (Insert Veggie Tales song) God can help me STOP living life the way I am, He can show me an entirely new way and it's not too late!
Let's get real folks. Back to reality. This isn't a dream. Raw truth here.
I have no patience. None. Nada. Nonezo. And I don't understand the inner workings of my toddler and my preschooler. I don't logically understand why they don't understand logic. It might have something to do with their tinsy wintsy ages or developing brains, but when I've told them for the umpteenth time to "Stop doing such and such" and "Please do such and such" and they carry on like I am invisible, I get kinda angry. And I yell. I know I know, Satan has already told me a bagillion times how bad of a mom I am, you don't need to say it too. He reminds me every time I hear my preschooler yell at his sister or yell at his friends. "You taught him that. You're a terrible mother. This is how it's going to be forever. You will always yell. He will always yell. Because you taught him that. You're a terrible mother...." and on and on and on.
But then there are middle-of-the-night moments after dreaming about Hitler, when God comes in and says "I can show you the way out. You don't have to yell. Your kids can be shown a new way. I can teach you how to parent. You can learn patience. The Holy Spirit can help. We've got this". You mean to say, I don't have to have it all figured out, I just have to give it up and trust!? I just have to fill my mind and my spirit with TRUTH and follow God one step at a time and that's where I'm safe?! Amen! I think I found my true rescuer, my hero. ;)
"Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly."
Proverbs 14:29
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
"Love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
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